Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
