does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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