lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
