wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
