i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
