There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
