I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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