Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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