It's Friday. Sex?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
