i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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