Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?

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(303): View more from Colorado

you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

(303): View more from Colorado

and I must say, you were very persuasive

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction

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(206): View more from Washington

I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.

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(903): View more from Texas

This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.

(254): View more from Texas

Jealous?

(903): View more from Texas

Very.

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(415): View more from California

I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc

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(213): View more from California

How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.

(213): View more from California

.....unless there is alcohol involved

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel really sorry for my toilet right now

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