she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
