And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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