How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
