In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
