You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
