Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
