So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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