he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
