He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
