Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
