I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
