Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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