I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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