apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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