she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
