he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
