Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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