I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
