KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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