like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
