You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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