He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize