I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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