You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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