Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
