Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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