I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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