I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
