Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
