Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We got so high we made milksteak
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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