dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
