This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
