i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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