i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
