im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
