you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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