I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i think i have two assholes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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