it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
