Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
