Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
