i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
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