not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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