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After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it's like iHOP with fire
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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