when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
