yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
