I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
