Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
