when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
