is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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