I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
