I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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