i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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