everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
