I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
