I hate all girls vehemently.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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