I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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