in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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