Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
