I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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