Having a random hookup so left but love u
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My cat gives me a boner
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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