Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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